Last night was the first time in over a year I heard Jack talk about Dharma, Jack being Jack Kornfield, a founder of Spirit Rock Meditation Center outside Woodacre; Dharma being a Buddhist's idea of the path to enlightenment. A treat to share with dear friends after the gorgeous ride out bucolic D Street, past Nicasio Reservoir and out to Sir Francis Drake. You can carpool from Petaluma by going to the SpiritRock.org site.

Realized that much of the attraction here is storytelling, something most of us have lost if we ever had it. Jack Kornfield tells stories from our culture, other cultures, literature, religions of the world most of which I would now know without hearing them from Jack.

Stories in my growing up came from my Mom - and something very important was lost to my family when she could no longer tell us her stories, those bits and pieces of her/our cultural heritage. Jack Kornfield at Spirit Rock doesn't tell tales of Robert the Bruce, great horseman of Scottland, telling his men to cut out his heart and throw it before them in battle should he die; Jack doesn't talk about Fats Waller, the great boogie woogie jazzman from Chicago, or about the honest arrogance of Frank Lloyd Wright, whose beautiful building design gave punch to the idea that architecture was meant to inspire us-Those were my Mother's stock in trade.

What he does tell are stories related to Dharma, to learning to reach through illusions to a core of our "big selves" where we know we are not alone. Leaving behind the small self, the one living in fear, is a lifetime's work. Spirit Rock and Jack's stories help us find the quiet to do the work. I'll be back...

What Jack talks about is Dharma; what else? He's a founder of Insight Meditation, a quietly profound, slowly simmering body of Western Buddhists, in my case, meeting at Spirit Rock in Woodacre, an incredible 435 acres covered with tame dear, a few horses, many would-be-monks and calmed out meditators. Many friends go on retreats and come back themselves - only better.

So what does Jack talk about? What are the stories that keep us going back? Just last night he quoted Rumi, Thomas Merton, Basho, Meyer Baba, the monk who taught him, the monk who taught Ram Dass, the 3 types of generosity, tentative, brotherly, king and queenly (when you give your best because it is a great pleasure - the caviar I spread on the small white potatoes)-We remember our 20's; we remember believing there is a better world because - it is present.

We learn again to live from our large selves, not the small self that tells us we are along and afraid.

Petaluma got top honors on Greenbelt Alliance's Bay Area Scorecard for SMART Growth recently based on managing growth; permanently protecting open space; preserving agricultural land; conserving natural resources; and offering transportation choices. We scored 100% for having a working Urban Growth Boundary (UGB), but rated only 38% for development density policies. What does all this mean? That we have a running start at creating a liveable, sustainable city as we move into a future full of challenges in energy and housing, transit and just the results of lots of people living close.

The good news is certainly good; our public officials did commendable work on the Petaluma Central Specific Plan, the groundwork for our revitalized downtown and the 400 acres adjacent to it. The Water Street Promenade beckons to more and more folks to come sit by the River, stroll along its banks, listen to afternoon concerts through the summer yet again. And there's a plan afoot to create an Urban Garden nearby for fresh organic foods. Great.

But I'm missing some of the stores that used to be here. Not just Rex Hardware, which will be rebuilt and Goodwill, which may or may not have a shot at coming back to the gutted store at Washington and Petaluma Boulevard. I miss Tuttles and Unforgettable now Board Betty's. Come to think of it, I also miss some friends who found it too expensive to buy or even rent here as we gentrify. You think local stores will be around forever; they might just disappear-

Neighborhoods are like good friends-you gotta keep the energy flowing. A report from Austin, Texas, run by a group of independent businesses, AMIBA, shows that $100 a year spent in local shops there at Christmas brings millions of dollars into the local economy. This makes sense to me. Don't we want a walkable city with the character we've been working to preserve?

Retail neighborhoods come into being, thrive or die based on sales, foot traffic and just plain luck of the draw. Tuttles went out because no one wanted pick up where retiring pharmacists left off, or so we're told. The new Pazzo restaurant at that site is delightful if a bit pricey. Something's lost and something's gained.

The living, breathing downtowns built of independent businesses seem kind of organic, created by people you get to know. You stop buying from them, they disappear.

A former Berkeley girl, I was saddened to hear Cody's Books on Telegraph Avenue, a landmark and community gathering place, closed after 50 years, having made the change over to computerized stock but not to online business, or so the print story goes. What if this trend hit our beloved Copperfields?

In Petaluma our awareness of the fragility of retail stores is heightened at the moment with the burning down of Rex Hardware and Goodwill, but there are also empty store fronts, restaurants and stores where the owners keep changing and changing. Economic benefits to downtown businesses may not be in full swing for two or three years, but some can't wait - and the benefits won't come to everybody.

Meanwhile, we keep building retail. We have a Kohls where the movie theater was; a movie theater downtown. We have no ballfield to replace that taken out when we sold Kenilworth school site; kids are complaining. A new PetCo cut the size of Pet Arcade in half (both chains, but Pet Arcade is more like a family business). Do we really need much more?

Only time will tell if our Historic Downtown and other shopping districts will prosper as we hope they will. Petalumans could continue to enjoy our classic stores or chain stores could put so many independent stores out of business the place won't be recognizable. Support local or it may just cease to be.

Just became a member of Praxis Peace, Sonoma, and went to my first monthly talk featuring former Joan Baez's husband, David Harris. I say former husband because media tends to tell us what's what is based on what's famous - or creates fame and then tells us what to think about it (lessons on media literacy later).

I drove to Sonoma to hear David Harris live; had only just encountered him on radio and he always made sense of the Vietnam War years, his draft resistance being a heroic act, unlike most who want to forget, never knew, etc. Harris memorializes the rottenness of war, teaching how he and others made life now a lot better for us - free of the draft.

When I was a married girl of 22, my husband, Dennis Wood, became 1A in the Draft lottery, meaning we were talking running away to Canada, I was trying to get pregnant; we were terrified he would be led away to go kill a whole lot of people we might easily have loved and certainly never wanted to hurt let alone kill - and the thought that this brilliant, shining young esthete/student/writer would face possible death - yuck!!! So he wrote 50 letters to the Army explaining his philosophy, said he was both Native American (in his heart) and gay (aren't we all a little?) wrote Kill For Peace in big letters on his chest for his interview, and when brought before a psychologist, he whipped out a notebook and interviewed the shrink! The guy labeled Dennis passive aggressive and told him "Buddy; they'll never take you." Which they didn't, thank Goddess or Buddha or dumb luck.

But The Army did take many many thousands, though we Berkeley radicals and others across the country blocked draft trucks at induction centers (for us, it was Oakland's Stop the Draft Week; I wrote a poem each day; must revisit). David Harris tells us over 3 MILLION people died in the Vietnam War. Can you tell me why?

Heart rending to realize there was a terrible battle in Laos that we never even heard of; we killed every single human in an area called The Plains. We in Berkeley knew from a Marine that the US had started the war by dropping bombs from a fighter jet and claiming it was attacked in the Gulf of Tonkin. What a pack of lies wars are; how terribly mean.

And now, of course, we're up to the same old shit with no real exit plan. Can't we ever get over empire building? Why do we do this over and over? It's like all the Christians only believe the words when they're in the church. Deep sigh. Does sound like Bush wants to reduce troops but they're in Iraq on false pretences to start with - and we are now the most hated people on the face of the earth, according to Harris and many others. What a terrible legacy to leave our children!

Did Harris have something upbeat to say? Not much. He did pass along some fine points I'll remember. He doesn't make enemies; they may become friends and allies later; never called a cop a pig; doesn't care if the CIA monitors his phone calls; he says the same things to anyone. With an open heart, we at least come out somewhat clean - but, I think, only if we oppose injustice as well as being nice guys in our homes and towns.