You just gotta wade through all the repressed emotions, hyper and paranoid thoughts that come tumbling out over this long, exhausting, exhilarating month plus of holidaze-

Got dressed at 6am this morning, expecting to go walking Shollenberger with women who walk, but one had a sore knee so that's to be another week What WAS out the door was an orange and pink sky, FROST on our Subaru windshield, a baker's dozen Canadian Geese squawking their happy traveling song as they did a fly over enroute to possibly - Shollenberger? The place does sport over 200 varieties of birds and these are a predominant species. An Oh-what-a-beautiful morning.

Pink sky - good sign; today I'll be able to write on the Santa cards with white feather beards and a silly smile I found. Actually purchased stamps! Now I will discover who among my loved ones has disappeared off the face of my earth and who still stays and keeps me company all these many years. And though everyone smiles and means it, there are many tears as huge emotions surface. Starts with Turkey Week.

How shall we transform the Holidaze into only fun? Sorry, Charlie! I could tell my Mom, who died now about 3 years ago that I miss her but I only know one medium through whom to get help getting the message through and she moved to Forestville. We reprimand ourselves for getting older (if over 50?) Scared of living alone? You can see that on the faces of many.

And then those pesky moments when you remember the wonderful artists community of Oxahaca, Mexico, now run by a conservative president, may be entering a revolution; KPFA FM Flashpoints program host hopes revolution will spread throughout Mexico - hey! That's a BORDER COUNTRY, right? Not just war somewhere out there we can ignore like - Sudan? Pakistan, Iraq? Lots of lip service, but those people dying in wars are "over there" and may well not have a glass of clean water today or any day. So I must do something about that soon.
What, exactly, would that something be? Well, there are conferences and donations and writing various things and I do give food to the Petaluma Kitchen and they always say thanks.

It's almost too much to bear, this Thanksgiving-Christmas-New-Years. At least for the while while you let your guilt and rage out. And then it melts like ice cream while playing with a child, eating a usually forbidden extra (was that really the FOURTH?) piece of candy, actually getting to know a friend who was only an acquaintance.

This may happen to you: You're working away at creating a happy holidaze for all, meanwhile feeling abandoned. Abandoned by whom you may ask if you use old fangled grammar? Well, by the newish (ten years) family I have that insists on acting like THEM instead of the family I used to be part of and, yes, my dearly departed Mother and Father who I really miss a lot during these days and my Bro, John, in PA who we practically never see. And then never long enough - but wait - he was that way in high school when he stayed in his room mostly and put big spiders between him and me when we were outdoors so I wouldn't follow him. Ah, now there's a hint!

Seems we all have different things to share during the Holidaze. Now that its underway I know I'll be sharing too many cookies, pingpong, children's games played with children, and all the glorious uplifting music I can find to put in my CD player and I'll sing with friends, too!. Happy happy Holidaze to you and yours. - Constance Herself