Herb Caen, wise old buzzard-with-style that he was, once in awhile would tell us "Never apologize" and in a way he was right. I will always remember never apologize and consider that as I figure out how to make amends for whatever it was I'll act like I didn't really do-

So the topic is yelling - in "private" - well if it REALLY IS PRIVATE YOU'RE ALONE AND A FEW GOOD SCREAMS MAY BE GOOD FOR YOUR LUNGS.
But usually yelling happens in the presence of others - who are hurt by it.

I can eagerly recall near-yelling experiences I adored. Near yelling on Washington Street in San Francisco with Jerry Brown near-yelling at me "What Colin Wilson really means by that is-" Near yelling about the principles of things; what it takes to make for a good education for kids; how you help kids without Dads was part of that and then he chose his first charter school based on a military school model, the second an arts based school more like the Waldorf model I was promoting to him. So this was useful, fun sort of near yelling. Passionate wordplay intended to explore ideas. I LOVE that. Was the whole core of my early Berkeley days around 1965-69ish. Students for a Democratic Society (SDS) with now-Rabbi Michael Lerner often presiding, Mario Savio off to the side, a guy Michael Smith, looking a lot like Paul Newman, and he was a nurse. Wonderful, deep arguing days about politics and ending war.

But yelling in general is usually painful for someone and breaks the tenuous bridges you may have built with people you aren't really close to but need to work with. Your Honorable Opposition for instance, or more intimately YOUR MATE. OUCH. Don't, please don't yell at your MATE? Thank you.

So why is this topic so urgent? I yelled online a bit - comparing (Mom used to say comparisons are odious) two friends to one we always disagree with - hoping, I suppose, they would see they don't want to act like this other person. But, I am sure, just convincing my friends I am now AGAINST them. I don't want to be against people or stuff - just focused on compassion and mindfulness. Of course, I've just returned from a couple of Spirit Rock days and that'll do it to you. Compassion and mindfulness are rampant at that place and all others like it! And humor, you gotta believe it. "My friend, Annie Lamott," says teacher Jack Kornfield, "says 'My mind is like a bad neighborhood. I don't like to go there by myself."

So how to I bring these seemingly diverse ideas around? Just to gently remind you guys and gals who may have yelled, who are about to yell, who see yelling as fun - you may be directing that yelling to someone who has been abused - in which case that person may be shocked into recalling what it feels like to be afraid of dying soon. I mean that; it happens to me. After all the years since I've been afraid of dying at the hands of a dear "friend," yelling can still bring that fear right back in my heart and whole body. AND THAT HURTS.

Please stop it. No more yelling, no more war of any kind. So I declare. But of course the people in Darfur can't hear me nor the people in Iraq or Congo or East Oakland. I'll have to learn new ways to get through to them. Yelling won't be one of those.

Have a peaceful day; it's a bit hot but its so gorgeous here. I will walk slowly and let all the little nits out of my brain so I can start up again a little lighter.